HELP!!!!

I’m in trouble.  It has just hit me that I have a very serious problem. 

Have you guys ever seen that show (on Discovery Channel I think it is), where people are addicted to buying and storing things that the sometimes never use and they just have problems parting with. Htye become so physically attached to these things, so much so, they sometimes alienate themselves from their families in order to hold on to these things. Well, if you haven’t seen this show, this is an actual disease and it’s called hoarding.

 

Everyone… I’m a hoarder; but the worst kind… I hoard PEOPLE!  I don’t kill and store bodies but I do have a collection of people with which I am having problems parting.

Source

Why am I rambling on with this nonsense?  It’s pretty clear.  I need help getting certain people out of my life and keeping certain others out.  We’ve all made bad decisions in making friends and in choosing the people we date or that we have dated.  This is what I do… I meet someone that I may or may not be all too excited to befriend/date.  Sooner or later, I find out that this person is not being a positive element in my life in any shape or form but instead on getting rid of them (nicely of course)completely, I push them to the back of my “closet” hoping that I will someday soon find a use for them.  This sometimes goes on for months or even years!  Now, someone… ANYONE…please tell me that that’s not a problem!  And just like that, I find myself chin up in friendships that I really don’t need or even want and I feel… well… overwhelmed. 

For instance, here in Morocco, I’ve had to nip a few relationships -and a half budding one at, well, at the bud (do pardon my redundancy).  Unfortunately, I find myself unable to delete their numbers from my phone and sometimes, I feel the urge to text them to say hello.  Not because I need their companionship but because I genuinely find it hard to get rid of them. 

Back home, that has landed me in a lot of problems.  I text you, we start hanging out again and then I’m spiraling back into the relationship that I knew that I didn’t want before and still don’t want today.  I’m a pretty self-empowering, self-efficient person who takes joy in doing nothing more than sit out on the grass with her dogs or spend time with her loved ones so why do I feel the need to hold on to these stupid relationships?  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just with men that I have this problem but also with past close friends.  Sometimes the awkwardness is so thick but Madame Folle (Crazy en Francais) over here just won’t quit.

I know I’m always joking and although I am poking fun at myself a little, (I take this disease very seriously so I apologize for anyone who may feel offended by my using this term) in all seriousness, I do believe I have a problem.  I’m not sure if there is a technical/scientific term for my “people hoarding” but if there is, I’d like to know what it is (I’m too lazy to go searching myself).  If there isn’t such a term to define it, I hereby make it my business to give it a name…as soon as I figure one out.  That will be after I figure it out of course.

Wish me luck…

Den