Forgiving & Forgetting

Forgive and forget.  

I have always found this whole concept of forgiving and forgetting pretty intriguing and awfully confusing.  I'm sure I'm not alone here.  Am I?

I mean we're all faced with dilemmas at some point or another, be it with our friends, family, peers or sometimes even random strangers, where we can either choose to forgive someone who has wronged us and move on with our lives OR we could stay pissed forever and hate every waking minute of the rest of their lives.  

I am unsparingly and incomprehensibly torn on the matter.  You see, I find myself to be a very forgiving person who can still hold a mean grudge - quite the paradox isn't it?  Does this mean I'm not forgiving?

A few days ago, I was enjoying an afternoon with two friends of mine and we ended up talking about past relationships. For someone who has never had a serious relationship in her 20 years of living I  have quite a lot of interesting stories to share about the men that have been in my life.  Now this isn't about them per se, but they were kinda what inspired this post. 

I am still single so it's quite pointless to say that ALL of the "relationships" briefly referred to above did not have happy endings. From one lying, manipulative jerk to another, I have bounced around (not in a skanky way of course)  the dating scene and trust me, I have been forgiving! If only you all knew the guys I've dated :S

You see, I've always told myself that although guy X was not the one for me and may have ended up to be a complete A-hole, I can still give a friendly hello from time to time should we bump into each other, sometimes even a hug!  There have even been instances where I have actually hung out with one or two of these guys after the fact i.e. doing something to offend/upset me to the point of ending "whatever it was" that was going on between us and making me not wanting to see their face for as long as we both shall live. 

He knows what I'm talking about

I look at it this way; each of these relationships helped me to grow in some way or form.  For one, they have taught me what I absolutely DO NOT want in a boyfriend and each experience has been with a different person which means different personalities (and some similarities), thus allowing me the opportunity to learn to deal with different character traits.  Trust me, there have been some challenges but I made it out okay for the most part.

My friends have gone through earfuls of rants about which guy just knows how to get under my skin, guy B having me completely confused about one thing or the other, guy F not being the one for me and my not knowing how to break it off.  I look back at each of these guys and I smile ( and say a few choice words) but they truly weren't all THAT bad.  

But as much as I like to say that I've forgiven these guys, or anyone else who has seriously wronged me, there is just no way for me to confidently say that I've forgotten what caused the rift between us in the first place. Does this mean that I haven't truly forgiven? - Here lies my problem.

Yeah, beats me too

There are other people who prance about the place and seem to genuinely have  the gift of forgiveness or what not but what I NEED to know is this; have they TRULY been able to forgive and have they eliminated EVERY morsel of hate/anger that may have built up inside them after being wronged?  Or are they as confused and pretentious about the whole thing as I am?  If the former is the case, I truly want for one of them to teach me how it's done :(/clunk me over the head with the "forgiveness" mallet.

For me, it is pretty easy to stay upset at someone for weeks or months and in severe situations, years! But there is a point where I just think that being mad is stupid and although I don't screw my face up when I see said person(s), I don't really care to say anything to them ever again. I SAY it's because I have forgiven them but I really don't think I have.  I mean, I don't really HATE them anymore but I don't actually LIKE them either :S This is so HARD!!!!!!

It's pretty clear that when a serious, major dispute has occurred, odds are things between the parties may never be the same again but is there a way to forgive and forget without there being any underlying tension or distinct awkwardness? How do you know that you've actually come to the point of forgiveness? When you can give the person a genuine hug or compliment or some other greeting?  I don't think I've quite acquired this part because my mind tends to flash back.

Is this the same way for people whom we've offended? Clearly I have offended many-a-man/woman and child in my lifetime.. What?  I'm not perfect. 

I'm on a soul searching mission (then again, when am I not?)  and genuine forgiveness is one of those things that I need to contemplate some more.  

Wish me luck!

♥Love is in the Air♥

It's Valentines' Day again! The day that all the bitter people of this world love to hate :D.  Although I've never really celebrated Valentines' Day - on account of the fact that I've never had a valentine - I actually look forward to it each year.  Why?  It's pretty simple.

I wonder, on whose doorstep will this little fella end up?

This is the time for over-sized, over-priced teddy bears, balloons, red roses, chocolates and whatever else it is that people usually get/give while proclaiming the "love" between themselves and the "lucky" gal/guy in their life.  But why is it that I look forward to the bliss that is other people's lives? Well, as much as you would like make that gesture where you're sticking your finger down your throat to force yourself to gag - or whatever "hip" thing the young people are doing nowadays to show their disapproval - (wait, we still say "hip" right?) you know that deep down in that muddy puddle of a heart of yours, it often makes you want to smile or even say something nice like; "Awwee, how sweet... Suck it!"

What really goes off the cute-o-meter for me are the DIY V-day projects that the little ones get to spend the majority of the day working on.  I mean, don't you just miss those days of innocence and genuine, untainted love?  I can just see them now, sitting in preschool or kindergarten with piles of arts and crafts equipment; an endless supply of red, pink, and white paper, glitter, glue, scissors, markers, paint; drawing and cutting out hearts and writing a million "I love yous" on the million cards they made so that each family member, neighbour, teacher, stranger, friend and pet was sure to get one.  Oh sweet childhood!  Where have you gone? But enough reminiscing for now!

And what about the endless supply of love songs that you remember in time for the annual Valentines' Day playlist?  Actually, in Antigua, this goes on for the entire month of February.  I am a lover of most things musical and Valentines' Day always reminds me of all the loving music that this cold, cruel world has to offer.  I usually spend FOREVER trying to download EVERY single song I hear; songs which never cease to remind me of how much alone time I will be treating myself to on this day for lovers.  But pity me not! My love life isn't as boring and hopeless as I make it sound... it's a little better... I hope :S

How cute!

I know that we've all had friends ditch us on the weekends or years at a time in the name of  "love".  They either claimed to have been in love once, twice or thrice or are still masquerading about the place proclaiming their love for (insert name here).  As annoying as it may get sometimes, I'm sure we're all pretty happy for our friends and have even wished to, for even a brief moment, feel as much love for someone as have described.  Please note that if you've had that feeling of undying love before, this does NOT relate to you!

Many of us like to think that love is not important; that it's juvenile; that we should be concentrating on attaining world peace, ending world hunger, discontinue female mutilation in African countries, stop the killing of dolphins or getting the global economic crisis in order... Whatever you're into.  But anything, just anything else but obsessing about some gal/guy or another.  But the truth is, love is so much more than just kisses and roses and teddy bears and free sex or what not.  How do I figure this when the only love I've ever experienced has been between my family, friends and my endless quota of pets?  I honestly don't know!  I just feel it is... you know?

We don't encourage that around here... "that" meaning the bitterness that would make one want to kill poor cupid

Now I'm not talking about the movie love that always has the same or similar lines and direction and sometimes cast, but the real deal; the kind of love that sometimes turns into the making of a good movie :D  The kind of love that you can't explain, can't write about, can't sing about because it's so big and no words would ever do any justice to the concept that is this love.

So this year, I'm on a mission to get to know love for myself.  I think I've postponed getting to know love long enough and I'm ready!  Now I'm not expecting it to come in time for me to have a date tonight but whenever it does, I'll be waiting with open arms, ears and an open heart.  I'm guessing love lurking somewhere around here...like a ninja!  Just waiting in the darkness for the next hopeless soul to attack :D

Happy Valentines' Day Everyone ♥

A-Trekking I Will Go!

Day 2

Ifrane


With each rotation made by the wheels on the bus, Ifrane seemed to get colder and colder but with all the excitement (and gallons of pee) building up inside me, we couldn't have been travelling at a slower pace.  You see, ever since I applied for this scholarship to Morocco, I've been hooked on this particular school.  It's an American type school where the students have the option of being taught in English and they offer pretty awesome courses! I was told that we were GUARANTEED a tour of the school when we went to Ifrane, so just try to imagine for a second the "OMG!!! OMG!!!! OMG!!!!! kind of excitement that was bubbling up in this tiny little body of mine.

I could hardly contain myself when, after sitting in this bus FOREVER, I saw the school's sign.  Destiny a-hoy!

Ok... now try to imagine me fighting to contain my rage when the buses just stopped outside and NOBODY was getting off the bus and heading to the entrance :S... Including the person who confirmed that "Yes, this tour will happen, for sure!"

Yep! ( That's to confirm that if you guessed I was lied to once again, you are 100% correct).  Could you believe this?  Had I not slept well the night before, I would have gone bonkers on "the ones who shall not be named" but I just pouted a bit, held my tongue and tried to stay calm.  Apparently, their request to see the school was not granted (if a request was made at all) and when they decided to roll up with one hundred of us to this school, the request was doubly denied or... you get the picture.

Now this is where things start to get juicy - for lack of a better word.

After having felt the rejection of the decade, we sauntered down to the Centre Ville in Ifrane. I don't know what it was, but I seemed to attract a ton of attention there.  First, I'm standing with my friends and this group of adolescent arab girls pass by wanting to touch my hair and take my picture.  Being the paranoid person I am, I refused.  Then again, had they been polite, I would not have been so ready to decline.  Then they proceeded to touch my hair... or so I was told.  My friend saw it happen but I didn't feel it. I was probably too busy trying to decide what I wanted to eat...

THEN...

My friend Janene and I had to go back to the bus because she wasn't in the mood to deal with the cold.  On our way back, I (the one whose internal compass is outta wack) passed the bus unknowingly... taking poor Janene with me.  Big mistake.  We're "cornered" by a group of teenage arab boys.  My spidey senses knew that something was about to go down.  Luckily, the disappointment from not being able to see the school and having to still be on that hell ride that was my tour bus had me jammed with fumes ready to be released.  I was ready for a fight.

So these boys surround us and start shouting things at us in arabic.  Ok, that may sound a little dramatic but they were intimidating none the less. They didn't speak much french so I couldn't figure out what in this world they were saying BUT I am an excellent reader of facial expressions and other forms of body language and I tell you, they were up to no good, those boys!

Janene's mad, I'm PISSED and an argument begins.  They wanted to take our picture, we refused...they couldn't take a hint though! I mean, NO is pretty universal.  They kept following us as we tried to find our bus.  Touching my hair, trying to hold on to us and getting on every last nerve I ever had. Then I did it... I had to do it... I shouted at them.  Now I don't usually do this but come on, it was necessary in this situation... wasn't it?  Janene even had to push one boy against the bus when he wouldn't get out of the way and the polite request for him to "excuse" himself didn't work.  Sounds scary doesn't it?   I'm only 5 ft and a few inches but I was definitely about to get my Hulk on.  It would have been an unfair challenge for them... hehehehe.

So we finally get past those annoying boys (who took the liberty to taunt us on the outside of the bus window) and we're greeted with even more amazing news.  Our great trip planners need for us to pay extra money to go to the mountains because there was absolutely no snow anywhere else in Ifrane.  Now if I'm wrong, you can say it to yourself as you read this but if you're planning a trip on the premise of seeing snow... shouldn't you be sure that there lies the possibility of this being able to come to pass?  I mean, check a weather report!   If there was ABSOLUTELY no snow a week before the trip in January wouldn't you think that it was time to start thinking about informing your travelers that the trip will have to be taken a step further (to the mountains) so that the necessary finances can be arranged before.  What if we all decided to leave our purses at home?  What would have happened?  We would have been disappointed for the billionth time in two days! I tell you, these people hold records in my books.

Now focusing on the better parts of this fiasco of a trip... I am proud to report that I was able to overcome my fear of horses.  Prior to this, I was pretty terrified of the idea of getting too close to a horse or even worse, riding one!  Yep! I, Den Whyte, opted to not only take a picture with the horse but to actually go for a ride xD.

How excited do I look?  

My horse was so sweet and gentle and he dodged all the branches (unlike Onica's ... I mean another person's horse which kept taking her right into the branches hehehe).  My horse handler was pretty friendly too and his English was on point.  I don't mean to sound ignorant or anything but of all the English speaking Moroccans that I've met, this young man's English was the best I've heard since I've been here and he handles horses!!!!!!  The people in the banks don't even speak that clearly!  I mean, I knew he would have to know a bit of English since it seems he sees a lot of tourists but I mean, he needs to move closer to me... I need a translator!  I pay pretty handsomely!

All in all, I enjoyed being on the road with my friends and although I will never be taking this particular trip again, I'm pretty glad I did.  I got to see what Morocco is like outside of Rabat and I got to eat some of the best croissants ever!!!!  I also learned some very valuable lessons, when I visit these towns again, I will definitely be taking the train and some music!  Now a few more pics from the trip to Ifrane:

Onica joined me on the horses! 

Me winning the snowball fight :D

Guess who?

A-Trekking I Will Go!

Meknes, Fes and Ifrane
Day 1 (cont'd.)

Sorry it's not rotated :(

Fes

The ride to Fes was breathtaking!  The Moroccan countryside is something that will render you speechless.  I really appreciate the backdrop of lush green landscapes and neatly arranged farming lands and hills and mountains of endless green.  We never got to Fes until around 7 something/8 in the night and when we got there, we were less than pleased.

So here we are, in beautiful Fes - tired and aching from the long bus ride - and we end up stopping in front of this very questionable "hotel" in an equally alarming neighbourhood. Yikes! It was just for the night so we didn’t think much of it but we hadn’t seen the rooms as yet and little did we know that we were out for a RUDE awakening!  

Before we had the privilege of even seeing as far into the "hotel" as the waiting area, we were hit with some awfully disappointing news, and the worst kind too; and I'll tell yah, I was NOT in the mood for any of this!  You know the kinda news that would make a traveler go bonkers and shoot evil glances and snares at anyone who dares to utter so much as a syllable because they had been on a long journey and were hungry and tired and EXTREMELY disappointed after seeing that the hotel they would have to stay at had no stars to its name ? Well multiply that by six because they told us that our rooms were being divided into groups of SIX!!!!

Now this would have been less alarming if they hadn’t informed us beforehand that it was going to be two people to a room.  I have little patience for these kinds of things becase what I hate more than a poorly planned trip is being lied to by the arrangers of a poorly planned trip!  So I refused to speak to anyone and EVERYONE got the stink eye.  It gets better! (please note that this is sarcasm)

We get to the room and the list of possible things to be mad about gets much longer;

1.      Beds were harder than the ones in Rabat which already felt like rocks.
          There was no heating

3.       It was freezing cold outside and it felt no different inside

4.       There was no hot water

5.       There were no regular toilets (google Arab/Chinese toilets)

6.       They expected me to bathe over the toilet mentioned above with cold water

7.       One of the pillows reeked of skin infection

8.       I opened my window to be greeted with the view of a shanty town

Now I know this may make me sound like an uppity bitch but a girl needs what a girl needs.  I’m not used to certain luxuries back home but then again, the conditions are far different.  Like, it wasn’t necessary for me to have hot water at home but when the weather is 6 degrees celcius and lower, hot water is kinda required.  Do I ask for too much?  So like the true westerners, my three travel buddies and I decided to fork up some cash and pay for better living conditions.  

Some people were offended because WE decided to use OUR money and move to a BETTER hotel, but it’s not our fault that we wanted to bathe in hot water and sleep in big, comfy, warm beds now is it?  We were much more at ease in the morning. Besides, they wouldn’t have liked having me around any more than they already didn’t, had I not had a good night's sleep:S. 

But getting to the other hotel was by no means a walk in the park.  We had to walk around to find one. Luckily we had dinner at this restaurant where there was a cashier who was very friendly and helpful.  He steered us to a pretty decent hotel and was very good for conversation.

Hot chocolate after dinner... yummy!
(We were having a distinguished pinky drinking contest hehehe)

When the first hotel had no rooms, we made our way to a second. When they had no rooms, we made it to a third.  The third had rooms but we never got our rooms until quite a while after. Apparently, you need a passport to book a hotel room in Morocco and Kim and I had conveniently decided to leave our passports behind in Rabat.  We had to journey to three different police stations in search of a letter that would allow us to get a room without them.  Luckily, there were some guys on the trip who were driving and they were helpful enough to take us around to the police stations.



Let’s just say, by the time we got the rooms, it was well into the night and we ended up spending only a few short hours in the warm, comfy beds.

Those few short hours were worth it because I was in no way or form willing to risk pneumonia and back aches in the cold, hard beds from before. 

A better view from the better hotel the next morning :)

Kinda blurry but it's not my fault ... or is it ;)

Next day, more drama.  The wonderful planners of this ultra mega awesome trip decided to add a passenger or two from Fes to come along on the trip to Ifrane.  Yet again, without notifying the drivers!  Needless to say there was much commotion.   Boy, if my mother heard about this!

By then, I was past the drama so I just ignored what was going on. Besides, I had a good night’s sleep and no one was going to have the satifsaction of spoiling my day. Well with the exception of my personal body guard whom I did not request.  He had been monitoring my every move from the minute we left Rabat until we returned and he would be so kind as to take a seat beside me when the person who was sitting next to me decided to get up.   The saga continues!!!!!  Ifrane here we come!

A-Trekking I Will Go!

Meknes, Fes and Ifrane

Hey guys!  My trip’s over so I’ve come back into your company with stories to share and a joke or two here and there.  If you’ve been following twoleftsthenaright and you’ve ACTUALLY been reading my posts, you would have known that I was out exploring this past weekend. 



As you may have guessed, Meknes, Fes and Ifrane are the Moroccan cities I visited this weekend - along with two big buses full of other students with whom I already share enough of my living quarters in Rabat.  Anyway, as is the usual, these trips have good and bad sides and I’ve been contemplating which version I should give, but then I decided to mix it up and just tell you how it went as it went.  Good?  Good.

Now, my story goes a little like this:

Day 1

Rabat

All smiles :)... before we knew how long we would be standing in the same spot before getting on the bus :S

Would you believe the nerve of these people who planned this trip!  They have me wake up at 6 something in the morning because, according to them, the buses were going to be here at 7 and everyone had to be downstairs at that time inorder to get the trip starting on time.  Well, at 7, there were no buses in sight and after they arrived some thirty minutes to an hour later, everyone going on this trip had to stand up for about another two hours, just staring at the buses. Imagine, cold weather, heavy bag (I’m one of those annoying girls who never packs light even for a two day trip) and feeling sleep deprived and the warmth of a bus just steps away from you but you still had to stand in the cold.  Fun right?  Well, the reason for this was this; the planners of this trip, without giving prior notice to the bus company, decided to add three extra bodies to the group and the bus drivers were refusing to add these bodies to their quota.  I guess they eventually came to an agreement because we were finally on the buses just as the rain started. Finally some movement!

Ten minutes or so into the trip, we make our first “pit stop” at this place… not quite sure how to describe it.  Just a string of little shops on the side of the road.  Anyway, it is there that we meet him↓

Isn't he just charming?

Our toothless violinist was quite entertaining for the 10dirhams that he got from me (compliments Kim’s coin purse). He smiled his heart out as he played God-knows-what on his music machnie, which  by the way, seemed to also have a void.  This time, it wasn't teeth but it was missing a few strings which were replaced by what looked like thread.  Now the man’s got his right to do what he has to inorder to make a buck or two BUT when he started to play a tune that took my mind to the Beverly Hillbillies, it made me start to wonder to what demographic he tought he was providing "entertainment".  I was very much into it though, so don’t let my tone fool you :)

The best bus buddy!!! That is until he decided to ditch me :(

Hitting the road again, I didn’t see much of anything but wide, vacant land, and roads that were equally so.  That gave me a minute or two to doze off as the 6 am alarm got me off balance.  That didn’t last very long and I ended up staring out the window a lot.  Then after what felt like forever, we finally got to Meknes :D

Meknes

For me, the visit to Meknes was the highlight of this trip –believe it or not!  I was all giddy and what not about the idea of seeing and touching snow for the first time and we may have all thought that it would have done it for me but you’ll later find out about what went on there.

In Meknes, we got to visit Volubilis - the site of the ancient ruins of the Roman empire in Morocco.  I did mention in my last post that the little spanish girl living inside me named Dora was all too excited to do some exploring but I had no idea what I was out for.  A little lot too dressed up for the occasion, but enthused all the same, I hit the muddy, stony track leading to the top of the hill upon which stood the remains of the beautiful structures which once were the signals of great power and which, today, still hold much significance in the story of a formerly great empire. 

Volubilis

It had been raining cats and dogs that day and my boots were very much bought for style as opposed to utility.  I must say however, they braved the trek much better than I had expected. Yet another great purchase!

Everywhere pretty much looked like this!  Yeah me! :S

So up the hill I went and although I was covered in mud on the way back to the bus, I was so glad I made the journey.  To use the words of my friend Janene –whom I dragged up the hill with me - it felt really awesome to  be touching a piece of international history.  I should have written what she said because it sounded much better than that, but you get the idea.

It’s a feeling much too great for me to explain.  Unlike some of my “cultured” friends (Kim and Janene) I didn’t know a thing about this place before I got there and I’m glad I didn’t.  It made the experience all the more amazing for me and I really got to awe at what I was stading on.  I wished I could have shared the moment with my loved ones who weren’t there but maybe one day I will be able to do just that.  Then back to the bus we went; onward to Fes!  But first... a few bits of Meknes!

Touching some history :)

Triumphal Arch... with some African boys at the trim :D

I have no idea what we were doing... good times ♥

Just gorgeous!

Mosaic in the House of the Acrobat (this mosaic depicts the acrobat riding a donkey backwards... crazy guy!)

  

One thing about the Romans... they really liked the nude art ;)